3 Causes Of Family Conflict - Plus How To Resolve Them

Families fight, there’s simply no getting around it… Siblings get into arguments, parents disagree, and sometimes the parent/child dynamics can become strained as well. And to make things even more complicated, there are many potential causes of family conflict to consider. A fight could be born out of almost anything.

But although some fighting amongst family is normal, if these conflicts are left unresolved for too long… it can be detrimental to the whole unit. Which is why today, I want to talk about some of the most common causes of family conflict and some basic ways you can go about resolving them.

Let’s jump right in…

#1 – Moving House

Many families will move at some point during their children’s lives. And although living in a new place can be exciting for kids, it can also be stressful for the entire family. After all, you’re leaving a home filled with memories; and in some cases you may even being leaving a community behind as well! Sometimes your children may even have to adjust to a new school and group of friends.

So it’s only natural that this situation tends to breed some discord amongst the family. It’s just one of those circumstances that can result in plenty of tension, arguments, and resentment.

How to resolve this conflict…

Give your children as much time as you can to get used to the idea. So don’t wait to tell them until the “perfect moment”. Get the initial discussion over with as soon as possible, and then start working through their emotions/questions.
Keep your children on a routine. Moving is a massive change, so try to minimize the other changes your kids have to get used to. This means keeping the family on the same schedule you’ve always had, at least… as much as you can. And if things do have to change, try to hold onto the most important pieces.
Find something for them to look forward to. Your kids’ initial reaction to moving may be a sense of dread, so try to find something about the process that brings them joy. For instance, you could start getting them excited about designing their new room; or you could make a list of fun outings that the family could do in the new area.
Stay as organized as possible. A big reason why parents fight with each other during a move, is because things get too hectic. So staying organized can cut down on these marital squabbles, and therefore reduce the stress felt by the whole family.
Try to manage your own stress. There’s no getting around the fact that you’ll probably be stressed before, during, and after the move. But try to manage your stress as much as possible. And remember that you’re an example for your kids. If you seem happy and excited, they’re much more likely to feel happy and excited as well.
Be patient! Finally, after you make the move, you should simply expect some small conflicts to pop up. It’s going to take time for your family to adjust, even if you did all you could to make the process easier. And being prepared for arguments can help you respond to fights in a more calm, collected way. Thus, putting out the fires faster.

#2 – Having Another Baby

As you’ll probably notice as move throughout the various causes of family conflict, most of them are brought on by a big change. And there’s almost no bigger change that can happen in a family than bringing a new member into it!

That’s right, as joyous as it can be to have a baby, growing a family is one of the most common causes of fights amongst families. Specifically if you have other kids already. Trust me, I went through this with my oldest daughter… She was very jealous of the new baby initially, and although they grew extremely close, there was a big adjustment period where I had to be extra attentive to her feelings.

Which leads me to some tips to help navigate this time…

How to resolve this conflict…

Spend plenty of time with your older children (and with your partner). The number one way to reduce conflict after a baby is born is to make sure that you’re still dedicating time to yourself, your other kids, and your partner. Because it can be easy to focus completely on your new baby, and neglect other areas of your life. So the key is to stay conscious of your time and where it’s being spent.
Prepare your kids beforehand. As I said a moment ago, giving your kids plenty of time (and plenty of opportunities) to adjust to the idea of a change is extremely important! And in terms of adding a new member to the family, this can be done in multiple ways. You could read some books on the topic. You should always answer any questions they have. And you’ll even want to start introducing baby-related objects to your children before the baby arrives.
Teach your children how to interact with the baby. Kids don’t automatically know how to spend time with a baby, in fact, learning how to interact with a tiny human can be intimidating for them. So to help with bonding you’ll need to figure out things that your children can do with the new baby. And reward them for having positive interactions while you’re at it.
Get help! As a parent, it’s vital that you take care of yourself in order to take care of your little ones. And this means that sometimes you need a break from your kids, to enjoy some self care… go on a date night… etc. So when this situation arises, don’t feel ashamed to get some help.

And if you’d like even more information on handling your older children when a new baby enters the family, check out this article I wrote on the topic.

#3 – Getting A Divorce

Moving to a new house and having a baby aside, there’s another life-altering event that occurs fairly often within families… divorce. Divorce may be one of the biggest causes of family conflict out there. And understandably so… Because at the end of the day, it can change almost everything about you and your children’s lives.

However, although the road ahead is tough, there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you’re trying to navigate a divorce with kids. And these tips can help you reach it faster…

How to resolve this conflict…

Stick to a routine! Once again, trying to keep your children on a schedule is key here. They may feel like their whole world is falling apart when they discover their parents are divorcing. So keeping small moments of their day the same, and maintaining family traditions, can really help prove things will be ok.
Don’t talk badly about your co-parent. When you’re going through a divorce, tensions with your ex partner are likely quite high. And while there’s certainly a place to release that tension… you should try to avoid doing it around your children. Because the last thing you want is to try to pit your child against their other parent, even by accident.
Be patient with them. And another repeat tip from earlier in the article is to give your kids plenty of time to adjust. There are probably going to be some tantrums and fights that pop up here and there. So expect them, work through them with your kids when they occur, and move on.
Get professional help. Lastly, children who are going through a divorce can usually benefit from a bit of professional help as well. So please consider therapy, especially if you feel your children are struggling a lot with the change.

Conclusion

Family conflicts happen, but if you respond to them in the correct way, they don’t have to spiral out of control. And I hope I illustrated that in this post!

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