Holidays Can Be Hard – Letter #1

Holidays can be hard and a lot of the time the people we love the most are what make them so hard. I know that might sound harsh but it’s true. 

First let me start off by saying I love the holidays and especially when I had kids I couldn’t wait to celebrate. I had all these plans in my mind of little traditions we would start and build on as a little family. 

Next let me tell you about the first 3 years of our marriage. Both sets of our parents were thankfully still alive and near us, so we tried to make sure we spent the holidays with them. We tried to give one Thanksgiving and the other Christmas and then vice versa the next year, but try as we might to be what we thought was fair the parents didn’t seem pleased.

My mother-in-law thought all holidays should be spent at her house and she always wanted us there to eat at noon on Thanksgiving and we were supposed to spend the night on Christmas Eve. So as you can see that didn’t leave much for my family. This is where things started to get messy. 

Also let me say that we already tried to be there every Christmas anyway because it was the only time of year we were able to see one of my sister-in-laws so really his mother didn’t have to be so demanding. 

Now back to my parents. They tried to work with the situation but my mom still wanted to also see us on the day so she decided she would serve the Thanksgiving meal at 6:30, so basically what ended up happening was we would drive 1.5 hours to my inlaws, eat and visit for a bit, then leave to drive 2.5 hours to my parents to eat again and then drive back home that night. That got old quick! 

So I talked to my parents again because my husband wouldn’t talk to his and my parents agreed to start having our holidays together on a separate day. But this also was still a problem because my mom felt thrown over for his family, it was causing problems between my husband and I because of his lack of involvement so you can see in just the first 3 years for me the holidays were already being ruined. 

Fast forward to us having kids and it just got worse because of course everybody wanted to see the kids on the day. Everybody expected a lot from us and to be honest I couldn’t take it anymore.

I was trying so hard to keep the peace and do what was expected by both sides and my husband, but honestly, I was really struggling with some bitterness. Because I thought about our childhoods and I knew that neither of us had to constantly go somewhere for the holidays so why did our parents expect it of us?

Then one day our kids who were 7 and almost 4 asked me why we never spent the holidays at our house, why they didn’t have any memories of traditions in our own home except some decorations?

That’s when I told my husband we were done with all the madness, I would be having a conversation myself with both sets of parents and tell them we would be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas in our own home. We would see them before or after. My parents seemed to take it okay but my mother-in-law did not. I won’t go into details but she is just not an easy person to deal with, even my husband will say that. 

I’m sure a lot of people will think I handled it wrong or some may even think I waited too long, but one thing I’ve learned is that I can’t please everyone and I had to do what was best for us. I really wish I would have done it a bit sooner.

I have to say that we have some great memories now that our kids will never forget, like a scavenger hunt to see whose gifts were whose, some Thanksgivings where we had meals from other cultures instead of the normal stuff and much more.

The point of this whole post was just to say that you know what’s best for you and your children so don’t let anybody ruin the holidays for you. And if you’re one of the lucky ones that has a great system or families that even celebrate together then you have a LOT to be thankful for!

I hope you enjoyed this first letter from the heart. I know it’s messy but when I write about personal stuff I just have to write and publish or I will delete it. I would love to hear from y’all about your holidays or if you have had struggles with family during this time, so I don’t feel so alone. 

Happy Thanksgiving!