Meltdown Vs Tantrum – Why You Should Know The Difference

You’d be surprised at how often the term “meltdown” is exchanged for the term “tantrum” and vice versa. And I believe that using these two words interchangeably can be quite damaging (and misleading). Because there are a few key aspects of a meltdown vs a tantrum that all parents should know!

So in today’s article, we’re going to be covering… The main differences between meltdowns and tantrums, and how to navigate each one as a parent.

Meltdown Vs Tantrum – A Quick Comparison

Meltdowns and tantrums are often confused with each other because both of these words refer to negative outbursts in children. And additionally, neither of these words are clinical terms; so many people interpret their own meanings for them. Which adds to the confusion about which is which.

But whereas a tantrum is an outburst that’s more or less controlled by the child, a meltdown is actually a bit more severe. As the word “meltdown” insinuates that a child has escalated to the point that they can no longer control their own emotions (or sometimes their own actions).

For instance, if a child wants something from the store and you refuse to give it to them… They might start to act out in an effort to get their way. They may yell, cry, try to grab the thing anyway, or throw themselves on the ground and pout in protest. This would be a tantrum, because the child is still in control of their actions. They’re choosing this behavior.

On the other hand, let’s say that a child is triggered by being told they need to go to bed. Maybe they start crying, throwing things around, or rocking themselves back and forth. If they were performing these behaviors simply in order to be told they could stay up for a while longer and they could stop once their mission is accomplished, it would be a tantrum. But if they can’t calm themselves down when they want to, then it’s a meltdown.

The difference lies in the choice to abandon the behavior. A child that’s throwing a tantrum can stop their outburst at any time, but a kid that’s experiencing a meltdown can’t stop on command.

What causes meltdowns and tantrums?

When it comes to causes, it’s no longer a matter of “meltdown vs tantrum”. Because both of these things can be triggered by the same events and feelings. Which can range from minor inconveniences to more severe underlying issues. And the key to knowing where the issues lie is typically the frequency in which these meltdowns and/or tantrums are occurring.

Since, while most kids do have the occasional meltdown or throw the occasional tantrum… It could signal a larger issue if your child is having meltdowns/tantrums regularly, especially if they’re triggered by seemingly small things.

For example, some tantrums and meltdowns might be caused by a lack of impulse control, issues with self soothing, or being used to instant gratification. But they could also be the result of…

• Learning disabilities
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Autism
• ADHD
• Or sensory processing issues

How to help a child who’s having meltdowns and tantrums?

I’m going to break this section into two sub-sections. One that discusses what to do in the moment when your child is having a meltdown or tantrum, and one that talks about what to do in general if this is becoming a common issue.

In The Moment –

The key to responding to a tantrum or meltdown in the moment is to stay as calm as possible. Because, not only will you be providing a positive example for your child, but it will also help you assess the situation more clearly.

Secondly, you’ll want to identify whether your child is having a tantrum or a meltdown.

• In the case of a tantrum… you’ll want to ignore the behavior as long as it isn’t dangerous. Because even negative attention can inspire a child to keep throwing their tantrum!

• And, in the case of a meltdown, you might need to comfort your child. Especially if it was brought on by fear or environmental factors instead of anger!

And that brings me to my next point… Getting to the root cause of the meltdown or tantrum is a great way to find a solution to the issue! For instance, if your child is throwing a tantrum because they aren’t getting something they want… then waiting it out is probably the best answer. But if they’re melting down because they feel overstimulated by an environment then moving them to a different area could be helpful.

Lastly, after a tantrum or meltdown it’s important to talk through the experience with your child. Allow them to express their feelings to you, talk through those feelings, but ultimately make it clear why those behaviors shouldn’t be repeated in the future.

Long Term –

Now, in the long term, it’s important that you do a few main things…

• Establish some coping mechanisms with your children, which they can use to calm down from meltdowns or avoid throwing tantrums. Examples of this would be deep breathing, counting backwards from ten, etc… But even if the coping mechanism is more unique, it’s just important that you find what works for your child.
• Teach them alternatives ways of expressing themselves! This will not only help by giving your children other outlets to use instead of throwing tantrums, but they could also help your child talk through their feelings before they escalate into a meltdown.
• And finally, if the meltdowns or tantrums are occurring regularly, then you’ll need to explore what could be causing them. Sometimes the help of a medical professional can be helpful here, in order to get your child the help they need!

Final Thoughts

It is so important that parents know the difference between a meltdown vs a tantrum; because it allows them to respond to the situation more efficiently! So I hope this article has helped to raise some awareness in regards to the differences I discussed.

And if you’d like to read more about parenting, running a house, and managing finances… please consider reading some of my other posts. Such as this one on how to build the perfect school night routine!